When my (now)husband proposed to me I was suspended in the air, plummeting rapidly towards the ground, attached to another man. While that does sound like an excerpt from Fifty Shades Darker, it is not. That, in fact, is my real story and although it doesn't sound like it, it was super romantic. My husband does things all out and grand no matter what it is. He is over the top with presents, home projects, trips, purchases, and special occasions. I love that he never wants anything mediocre. He likes unique, and special, and over-achieving. I mean the man even shops at Costco because #biggerisbetter. (Do yourself a favor and don't search that hashtag). So when it came to a life changing event for us both, he decided he'd put a ring on it in style. He tricked me into arriving at the decision to go skydiving with him and I had no idea that He would propose at the end. Looking back at our adventure jumping out of a perfectly good plane (as my dad would say), I realize that it was one of the scariest things I've ever done.
Yesterday, was pretty scary for me too. The anxiety and fear leading up to "launching" my site was almost crippling. So many times in the past I have backed down to less than this, feeling unworthy to conquer the unknown. I told myself this time would be different though. As I sat with the fear yesterday, I decided I would need to pinpoint the common trend throughout the "scary moments" of my life to really overcome this obstacle that holds me back. I mulled over the events of that entire day that we skydived and evaluated when I felt the most scared.
The scariest moment wasn't at all what I had expected. It wasn't free falling through the sky at speeds so rapid I couldn't control my own mouth. Wind was contorting my face and really doing a number on these chubby cheeks so badly that drool was shooting out of my mouth. It wasn't even the moment that the chute opened causing us to jerk to a stop and it sank in just how high we were. The vast amount of land and quiet stillness was actually one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen or experienced. I wasn't even the most scared as I completed a rough landing on the ground butt first skidding to a stop and then hobbled my shocked self over to meet my man on his knee ready to commit selfless and unconditional love in a lifelong promise to one person through good or bad.
The exact moment embedded in my brain when I felt the most fear running through my veins was before I even jumped. We were first time jumpers so that means we had to be attached to professionals and jump tandem style (hence why I was strapped to another fella while my prince charming waited on one knee). This moment happened right after we rode up to the appropriate height in the tiniest plane. When we reached our position to jump the door flung open. In swept the blistering wind and we scooted forward in a line to await our turn. After everyone else cleared the way, I stepped up to a blue line. The instructor yelled to me "when you're ready!" and then I had to CHOOSE TO JUMP. At that second I had to mentally accept that I was leaving the comfort of this working plane at my own will and jumping out into the danger and risk of the big blue sky. During the training we took before we jumped, they informed us that this couldn't be a wimpy move either. The jump out of the plane had to be balls to the wall, up and far away from the plane, arms out, chin up, and belly down. No hesitation.
As my blog went live I was leaving the comfort of just being a stay at home mom with some talent and jumping full force into a role as a capable and willing creative with a purpose. It felt a lot like free falling. The pivotal moment was the choice to jump. Fear rears its ugly little head in psyching us up before we ever even risk it. The defeat in my own heart has happened so many times in my life when I convinced myself I never could before I tried.
Today, I'm encouraging you to step up to the blue line. Don't hesitate. That relationship or challenge or goal you have that seems too far fetched, choose to jump. God doesn't give us the spirit of fear. He created us able and worthy. It isn't always the scariest moments that hold you back. Sometimes it's just the anticipation in our own minds that defeat us before we even get there. Whatever it may be, whether big and daunting or just simple small everyday choices, choose to jump. God gifts you the beauty of the view on the way down if you just take the risk. Hey, and who knows what's waiting for you at the end.